


dreaming is (far from) free

by orphan_account



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Lesbian AU, Slow Burn, honestly unrelated queens being friends, past katya/violet, slower than i'd like it to be don't sue me, there's swearing and use of alcohol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-15 02:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13604079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Trixie has never been the one to complain. However, when she sees a wonder she can't quite get her hands on yet, her mind is filled with complaint and rather inappropriate thoughts her mother would not approve of.But suddenly, the woman sitting right in front of her seems familiar, as if they have met previously- as if her mind has gone through those thoughts a million times before.





	1. shush, bitch

Trixie has never been the one to complain. However, when she sees a wonder she can't quite get her hands on yet, her mind is filled with complaint and rather inappropriate thoughts her mother would not approve of. 

She's in the library, trying to focus on the book that her professor is making her read for some extra credit because she knows damn well she needs some more. The library is quite noisy, although in no way noisy-noisy, it's certainly too noisy for a library. She really isn't too invested in the book she's supposed to be reading so she gets out her, of course, overwhelmingly pink MP3 player to at least entertain herself with some tunes. She turns on one of her favorite songs by Blondie, Dreaming, and she thinks about how underrated that song is these days.

Before she has to dive into her lackluster book, she has a chance to look around her and not seem too unusual. She sees some tweens reading together and she smiles to herself, she herself might hate reading and being productive in any way, but maybe the new generation has at least some potential. She looks around a bit more, seeing a woman who's trying to lull her seemingly newborn baby to sleep and she sees the trouble in the young mother's eyes, and Trixie somehow feels for her. 

As she's ready to return to her book, she catches a fellow blonde's eyes. She is attempting to steal glances at Trixie without having her aware of it, well, she has clearly failed. Trixie can see the woman's lips moving so she takes out her headphones, gesturing to them so the woman repeats what she was trying to say. She can see the woman's face soften, she smiles sweetly.

"That's one of my favorite songs ever! Dreaming, right? Blondie is my favorite thing in the world!", she says in such a peppy way that Trixie almost forgets she doesn't know this stranger at all. 

Trixie's face turns red at the thought of the entire library possibly being able to hear the song and she fears she could have disturbed some of the people who are actually here to enjoy a good book. However, she can feel herself loosen, she feels guilty for it but it's a good fucking song after all.

Well, she is a beauty, isn't she? She has a familiar vibe to her but Trixie can't quite pinpoint where she has seen this face or heard this voice before. Her smile is the one aspect of her that particularly strikes Trixie, she feels as if that smile has been on her mind all these years. Oh she has eyes, and really pretty ones. Trixie is almost sure she has seen those eyes look at her millions of times prior to this very moment.

Trixie smiles in a way you would only do if you know you're having an awkward conversation with someone you don't hate, thus, you don't want to put them through that hell. It's another way of saying "Run! I'm socially incapable and I lack any conversational skills!". The woman gives her a questioning look. She looks almost as if she's expecting Trixie to say something. 

"They call me Katya." the woman says with a grin that could pass for a smile if this wasn't Trixie she was grinning at and someone else. She assumes Katya is her nickname since it's not a remarkably common name around here, but again, this is coming from someone who people call "Trixie". There's a beat before she even manages to think to tell her own name to the exceptionally magnetic woman who now Trixie knows is named Katya. 

"Beatrice," Trixie says, Katya looks like she's about to laugh out loud the second Trixie's birth name hits her ears, and frankly, it's true Trixie doesn't look like a Beatrice "but only my mother calls me that, you are welcome to call me Trixie."

Then, it happens. The most sexually, and well literally confusing thing that has ever happened to Trixie. 

"I know," Katya replies with a smile that wipes off all the ominousness in her statement. Trixie parts her lips to let something, anything out of her mouth but then it hits her, this woman is no stranger to Trixie.

Memories of that night fill her head. She met her at the restaurant that was closest to her home at that time. Trixie was there for a small engagement party. This story would be pleasant if it was just any engagement party, and not her own. 

She remembers meeting a woman around her age, she let her take her hand as her other hand was carrying a bottle of wine and the woman lead her to an empty room. They sat down on the ground next to the open window, enjoying the summer breeze together as two strangers who have just met. The stranger was urging her to tell why she wasn't with her fiancé and instead with someone who she can't even recall why she was here at her engagement party or even call an acquaintance. 

Trixie's ex-fiancé was a relatively peculiar man. He had his pockets full of money and his heart full of hatred for anyone unlike him. She remembers eventually letting go and falling into the stranger's arms, crying as the other woman tried to soothe her. The woman would whisper a dozen "I'm sorry"s at her and would go as far as to kissing the engaged woman, being careful to never land her lips to Trixie's. 

The bottle of wine was clearly the true hero if this story as it helped them both to finally relax just a little bit. The other woman, as much as she was trying calm Trixie, was falling apart herself, crying along with her. There wasn't much talking but the occasional whimpers and the constant cries coming out of both women. The other woman eventually stops her crying and gets up, looking into Trixie's eyes with pity. She lets her take her hand and helps her get up. She leads her to the door, she holds her hands and kisses them before she turns to leave. And when she does, she looks back at Trixie, not forgetting to flash her the brightest, yet, saddest smile she has ever seen. She leaves Trixie alone and she doesn't look back again. Trixie expects her to come back and hold her until they both smile genuinely but, alas, she's gone.

Trixie returns to the present moment, looks at Katya, who after all those years still looks young and bewitchingly beautiful. After she gets out of the trance that was possibly caused by Katya's inviting beauty, she realizes she's looking at the very woman who inspired her to leave her verbally abusive fiancé. She considers thanking her but before she can get to it, Katya starts reaching for her bag. 

"I should really get going, I'm sorry for the disturbance I possibly caused." she breathed, way too formally.

Trixie somehow finds the confidence to say something before she can leave, Trixie thinks of the conceivably most cliché and rom-com reply she can think of. However, that reply is a few paragraphs long and Trixie can only let out a small "Thank you." Katya turns to her to flash the exact same smile that is somehow so familiar to her that she suspects she has seen it not once, not twice but thousands of times before. And maybe she has, perhaps in her dreams.

She leaves once again, leaving Trixie by herself with her book and thoughts. She notices that her book is not where she left it and suddenly a rush of panic washes over her. Losing a borrowed book is one of the only things that is forbidden and yet, still not even slightly cool. She is relieved when she sees that the book is right in front of her on the seat Katya was previously sitting on. The book is missing Trixie's trusty bookmark, instead of it, there's a small piece of paper with a telephone number that is signed with the initials KZ. She chuckles, making sure she texts her just to get her bookmark back. Trixie is now entirely sure this is a scene out of a cheesy modern day romantic comedy gone extremely wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, i hope you like this! :-) this is my very first story (woo!) and honestly, i'm mostly writing this to improve my english as it's my second language (and also because I get so bored in class that I start writing whatever these are) 
> 
> also the title of this chapter has NOTHING to do with the actual plot, idk it's because there was a library? sometimes, i manage to confuse myself.


	2. nom nom nom

Today, Trixie is going to be a good person. Today, Trixie is going to do charity. Today, she will convince herself that she is deserving of all the privileges she has that millions of people envy her for. Today, she is going to be a good friend and get her ass out.

Trixie is aware of the fact that hanging out with Kim isn’t charity and it shouldn’t even feel like an obligation to her. The reasoning is that, according to Trixie, she had successfully dropped all her high school friends the first day of senior year summer vacation and that took her an enormous amount of time to get over. However, Kim decided to reconcile with Trixie and all of Trixie’s efforts went straight into the trash.

Despite how much she is dreading to meet Kim this evening, she actually really likes Kim and considers her to be her high school best friend. She hasn’t exactly seen Kim since graduation, and because Trixie refused to go to the mini reunion her high school held two days after they graduated, Kim and Trixie haven’t been the bestest of friends lately.

Trixie even contemplated dropping her plans with Kim and calling Katya, learning a bit more about her over coffee and actually having a decent time. Unfortunately, Trixie knows for sure that lunch with Kim is inevitable since she actually exchanged numbers with her again. Kim is sure to call her at least a gazillion times if she doesn’t show up because she is an actual nice and caring human being Trixie knows she doesn’t even deserve.

As Trixie is getting ready for her “friend date” with Kim, she thinks as to why she prefers the woman who she recently re-met to her ex-best friend. She concludes on her knowing too much about Kim and too little about Katya, which she’s aware is false because she actually knows nothing about present Kim. It’s been at least 4 years since they last saw each other and Trixie can’t recall one thing Kim likes or finds amusing.

Trixie pays extra attention to her makeup as she actually remembers one thing Kim has a liking for and that’s makeup. She makes sure it’s perfect, and even watches some tutorials just so she can at least impress Kim by this since she signed up for disappointment when she first called Trixie to hang out. Trixie honestly thinks she can at least maintain a civil conversation, an uncomfortable one or not, so she is pretty sure she is overreacting when she says to herself this is her lowest point.

Once she’s done with her makeup, she realizes it’s too early to make her way to the restaurant that’s a five minute stroll away. She finds herself falling on her couch, reaching for her phone and she considers texting Katya. She frowns when she remembers it’s already been about 2 weeks since Katya even gave her her number, texting her now would be weird, wouldn’t it?

Trixie shakes her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts. She sighs as her thumb hovers over Katya’s name and she finally gives in, going by the big man himself, Satan, and taps on Katya’s name to text her.

**Trixie**  
_hello its trixie! from the library a few weeks ago? i finally got a chance to text you, hope it’s fine haha_

Trixie realizes how weird that text makes her look as it has no clear motive. She finds it necessary to send another just to make Katya aware of the fact that it’s the bookmark she’s interested in.

 **Trixie**  
_would love to get back the bookmark you snatched away lmao !! let’s meet up soon!_

“Perfect.” Trixie muses as she sends her text that’s lacking any punctuation marks. What can she say, she’s cool.

Trixie looks at the clock to see that it’s probably time for her to get going. She gets up, looks at her apartment one last time as if she’s never going to see it again and makes her way to the restaurant Kim and her agreed to meet at.

She looks around her lively neighborhood as she walks to the restaurant, paying attention to everything around her. She really is privileged, she recognizes. There’s probably a lot of people who would give their right kidney to have the problems that she has in exchange for theirs. Trixie’s train of thought is suddenly stopped by her phone buzzing in her pocket, it’s probably Kim despite how much she hopes it’s Katya.

She checks her phone to see a text—several texts from her mother, one from Kim and one from Katya. She really must’ve zoned out.

 **Mom**  
_Honey Bea, Dad wants you to come back home just to see you one last time before he moves away!_

__

__

_Don’t disappoint him, he is really looking forward to seeing you._

_I know you’ll be here._

_It’s Mom by the way LOL!_

Trixie cringes at the sight of her mom using that dumb nickname she very ingeniously made up almost two decades ago.

She really does have to go home. Her dad is moving to Turkey for his job and she has to at least pretend to be happy for him. They have never been on the best of terms as he was barely present all through her childhood. Trixie has learned to accept this fact; however, unlike Trixie, her dad spends his every waking hour trying to redeem the lost time Trixie doesn’t want to redeem.

Trixie feels a tear on her cheek and she quickly wipes it off, hoping her makeup is intact. She taps on Kim’s name to read her text.

 **Kim**  
_trix, i’ve arrived safely, waiting for you :) xx_

Trixie smiles, Kim really is sweet. She’s happy to know that her kind spirit wasn’t damaged in the last few years. She hopes that unlike Trixie, she didn’t try to elope as soon as she graduated high school.

She goes to check Katya’s text, suddenly feeling overjoyed.

 **Katya**  
_hello Beatrice! its honestly fine, lets meet whenever. would prefer if the venue was close to me bc my license got suspended yikes :/ how abt we meet at the library and we can figure it out there?_

Trixie wonders why her license got suspended and then, something hits her. She realizes she knows nothing about this woman, for all she knows, she could be a mob leader. She laughs at herself for being ridiculous, Katya is a normal human being who's interested in Trixie. A rare species.

 **Trixie**  
_haha ur evil! what about tomorrow 1 pm? i dont have a class tmw so it would be the best for me!_

Trixie finds herself in front of the restaurant she’s meeting Kim at. She lets herself in, her eyes searching for Kim. Her eyes eventually land on Kim’s huge headpiece that separates her from everyone else.

She walks over to Kim and before she can even say hi, Kim gets up to hug her. She had forgotten how tall Kim was until she found herself not having to look down when talking to her, Trixie herself being very tall has to put up with that hell every day.

Trixie sits down, making herself comfortable. As Kim is staring at her menu, Trixie stares at Kim's face for way too long. Kim is pretty, Trixie doesn't even know how she didn't notice this back in high school, Kim's beauty could have caused Trixie to flee the blood pact that was her relationship with her ex-fiancé. Yet sadly, Trixie was deluded by his love, she was blind to her surroundings and he wasn't the only one to blame.

Kim looks up, her eyes meeting Trixie's. She smiles at her with compassion in her eyes. Trixie returns the smile and she really is glad to be here with Kim and not one of her other high school friends.

"Trixie, look at the menu. The food isn't on my face, you know." Kim giggles.

"I'm sorry! It's been way too long. I guess I'm just trying to take all this in." Trixie says, pointing to Kim as she lets out the last part of her sentence.

"It has been way too long, girl. I can't believe the shit you went through with the fiancé. Hope you're doing well now, though."

"I've been doing better. It's all my fault, I don't know how I didn't manage to see his true colors earlier, I should've at least introduced him to you guys. Guess I'll have to chalk it all up to experience, I've learned a lot of things from that engagement."

Trixie looks at Kim, she seems puzzled. That's right, Trixie never even mentioned his name to her old friends. She rushed into the relationship and never thought twice to ask for advice. Hell, she said yes to his proposal when they were at their seventh date.

"How have you been doing, though?" says Trixie, in an attempt to divert the conversation to Kim.

"I've been doing fine, I'm doing makeup for a living now and occasionally I do styling. Many people misunderstand my work. It's like- I'm an artist, I see make-up as a form of art. I really want to stop working at salons and painting for proms and weddings. Damn it, Brenda, I want to paint a giant fucking peach on your face, you know?" Kim lets out as if she's been dying to let all that out for quite a while.

Trixie freezes, she had forgotten how passionate Kim is about her work. She really admires her for it, she really is a true artist.

The waitress comes up to them, ready to take their order. Trixie hasn't even thought to look at the menu, she looks at Kim expecting her to order something for Trixie.

"I'll have a fettucini alfredo, and my friend here will have a veggie burger. Oh, also two cokes, please?” Kim orders. It warms Trixie’s heart to hear that Kim still remembers Trixie being a vegetarian. This girl certainly knows how to treat Trixie.

Trixie smiles at Kim, thanking her with a nod. “This isn’t at all bad!” Trixie thinks. She feels her phone buzzing in her back pocket. Her hand wandering around her pocket, she reaches for her phone.

 **Katya**  
_muhahahah >:) of course, 1 pm is perfect. will bring your precious bookmark, too. call me when u arrive!_

Trixie smiles as she moves her fingers around her phone to type out a reply. However, then she realizes her focus should probably be on Kim and not on her phone. She politely switches off her phone to smile at Kim apologetically. 

“Is your mom still spamming you or...” Kim asks, adding a little wink at the end.

Trixie chuckles, “It’s someone I met back in the day. We just recently had a chance to, uh, re-meet? They’re cool, I guess? I don’t really know much about them.”

“Are they possibly someone special? You were smiling a whole lot there, buddy.” Kim teases. 

“Possibly, maybe. Who knows, right... but I really don’t want to rush into it. I’m not getting married to her or anything, not making that mistake again.”

Kim’s eyes widen at Trixie’s words, especially at the word “her”. She lets out a small “Oh.” and smiles at Trixie, again, way too sweetly.

“Is she pretty? What does she look like? Oh, I haven’t dated her before, have I?” Kim asks in an excited but still, a somehow panicked manner.

“She’s blonde and—how do I put this, kind of Russian-looking? She doesn’t have an accent at all though, sounds sort of like a Bostoner? Her name is Katya. I’m... actually kind of meeting her tomorrow.” Trixie lets out all at once. Kim is now standing up, her mouth wide open.

“No way! Katya as in Katya Zamolodchikova?”

Trixie is fazed by the sound of that foreign surname Kim very skillfully pronounced. But it’s no secret that Trixie has never even heard that last name before. She parts her lips to let out a no when she remembers those initials: KZ. Could Z stand for ...Zamolololilotova?

“Again, girl, I don’t really know her. I just got her first name out of her, that’s all. What got you on your feet?”

“Of course it's her, how many Katya's live here? Okay, so, do you by any chance remember Violet- Violet Chachki?” asks Kim.

Trixie does remember Violet. She was one of Trixie’s high school friends Trixie was avoiding seeing.

“I do. Violet... she’s—she was something. Dude, what for though?” Trixie asks with clear confusion on her face.

“Violet low key stalked her, Katya I mean, until she finally got her to date her. The stalking wasn’t anything extreme nor did it hurt anybody but when they did date, it was a disaster. It was basically too much shagging and fighting and too little actually dating. Katya called it off, I believe. They were both devastated, dude. Though, they know they’re better apart.” Kim informs Trixie. 

Trixie is now incapable of responding, her mind is suddenly filled with questions. Did Katya know Trixie used to know Violet? Did she know their relation? Does this mean she can’t ever talk to Katya again? Trixie can feel her expression forming into a more saddened one and Kim smiles at her with pure pity. Kim continues:

“All I know is that Katya and Violet weren’t great for each other. Don’t let that stop you from getting to know her, though. Violet and her might not have been able to work out but to be fair, Violet never even told us about her. Did you know they used to date back in senior year too? I’ve seen her a few times at parties and such but all I know is that she’s pretty and her name is Katya. She could still be the greatest person alive.”

Kim manages to sort of relieve Trixie with her words. Kim’s right, Katya’s falling out with Violet doesn’t concern Trixie and it shouldn’t even mean anything to her. Actually, knowing Violet, it most probably wasn’t even Katya who was at fault.

Their orders arrive and they dive into their food. Trixie can feel Kim’s eyes occasionally trying to catch Trixie’s in an attempt to see how Trixie is feeling. Well, she’s actually pretty relaxed right now... or at least she was until she felt her phone vibrating against her thigh again. Another text from the devil herself.

 **Katya**  
_yo, u read my text but didnt respond. im totally not crying. prayin’ n hopin’ that were still on for tmw!_

Oh, right. Trixie forgot about replying to Katya. Although to be fair, Trixie fears it’s unpolite to do so in front of Kim. However, Kim is, as always, the supportive and understanding friend she is. She flashes Trixie a smile to let her know it’s okay. Trixie thanks her, thinking of what to text Katya.

 **Trixie**  
_ofc were still on! sorry, having lunch with a friend atm, couldnt respond as soon as i would like to :p_

_see you tmw! you better bring my bookmark with you! i love her :’( xx_

She sends Katya those two messages and adds those “kisses” as a way of showing her how much she’s looking forward to tomorrow. Trixie hopes she gets the right memo.

Trixie returns to Kim who is already done with her meal and patiently waiting for Trixie to stop being such a prick. Trixie gestures to her phone, implying that she has now turned it off for good and that she belongs to Kim for the time being.

“If you’re also done, we can ask for the bill?” Kim suggests. Trixie looks at her half-eaten burger with pain in her eyes but nods in response. When you really love something, you have to let it go.

Kim starts to put on her coat whilst cracking a random, cheesy joke about something around them. Trixie doesn’t really get it but she still laughs genuinely, pleased to have agreed to meet Kim today.

The bill arrives and there's a slight, light aired argument about who’s the one to pay. They agree on Kim paying for this one, and that Trixie can make it up to her the next time they go out.

They hug before they part their ways, and for the first time in forever, Trixie walks home in bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit a second chapter!! is this now a commitment :o 
> 
> anyway, hope you like this! i didn't get a chance to proofread it so if there are RIDICULOUS errors, they're probably the product of my absent mindedness. for some reason, i write these in class. 
> 
> have the GREATEST day in the fucking universe, also pardon the texting bits- im making my favorite girlfriends write like me- because who the heck uses punctuation marks anymore?


	3. whoops, you're falling

Trixie is woken up by a blinding ray of sunshine landing right in her left eye. She curses the sunlight and Mother Nature herself, grunting and squinting as she walks over to her vanity. A little-known fact about Trixie is that she truly does like direct sunlight when getting ready. However, today the rays of the sun have clearly turned into actual whips made to hurt Trixie in any way possible. Though, it was also shining brighter than it has in the past few years so maybe it, too, was excited for Trixie's plans for the day. Perhaps it was trying to imitate Trixie's heart today, so warm and, practically, shining. Trixie has been feeling really loved and valued lately and her reconciliation with Kim even made her feel more prized, and now it was Katya.

She is supposed to meet Katya again and she, in fact, has been thinking about it ever since the plans were initially made. She's, as much as she hates herself for it, is filled with an overwhelming sense of excitement every time she thinks about it.

She sleepily walks over to the kitchen to eat some old, stale cereal in lieu of an actual nutritional meal. Breakfast is the most important meal, kids, eat well! Her cereal is not great company so she turns on her phone, immediately finding herself in Instagram, and that's when she realizes Katya is a human being living in the 21st century along with everyone else and most conceivably has social media.

She tries to recall Katya's full name through Kim's lispy yet scarily accurate sounding pronunciation of it but she can't get closer than Katya Zamo, so she just types that down, hoping that Katya Zamo isn't a common name around Instagram. Fortunately, Instagram doesn't disappoint and only one account comes up. Trixie, for like shorter than two seconds, isn't sure if the account belongs to the Katya she knows but then she's instantly sure when she sees the photo of a blonde haired woman posing in a trash can. This is, indeed, Katya's page.

Still in her pajamas and holding her spoon, she scrolls down and down until there are no chucklesome photos left to look at. She's been scrolling down Katya's page for about fifteen minutes and she has seen photos of Katya by herself, with her friends, with a bird, with people dressed as... aliens? Katya's page isn't primarily consisted of photos she has taken of herself or her surroundings but also shockingly good poetry that apparently she herself wrote. They seem more like a parody of poetry, ridiculing poets who are obsessed with complex adjectives that only make them look pompous. Katya's poetry has some quality humor and, sometimes, a good fucking lesson. Trixie is, for some reason, proud as if she's Katya's mother; this girl can write poetry! She can't also help but wonder whether she would write one for Trixie.

Once Trixie is finally done with her breakfast, she makes her way to her bedroom so she can pick out a decent outfit. Reaching into her overly organized closet, she needs space to fit in there whenever her family is over, she finds a yellow sweater that's probably too much for this weather. She picks out a denim skirt and some holographic heeled sandals in order to add some quirk to her outfit. She feels good about the outfit she has picked out and puts it all on, then moving on to her makeup. She finds herself paying extra attention to it, again, but Katya isn't Kim and they probably don't share the enthusiasm Kim has for makeup. However, Trixie deems necessary to especially focus on her eyes to make them pop as much as she can, it simply makes her look a lot better.

The second she's done, she checks her watch to see it's already time for her to leave. "I really should've gotten up earlier." she muses. She doesn't see it fit to put on a coat or carry a bag so she just puts her phone in her back pocket and leaves her house to meet Katya.

She's walking. She has gone out more times in the last few week than she has, maybe, in over a year. Her phone buzzes in her pocket, she already knows who it is.

**Katya**  
_mother has arrived_

_no, really lmao i'm here. look for the supermodel strutting in the eyeball dress_

Trixie giggles like a child at that, this woman really is something else. 

Trixie can see the library from afar, her heartbeat quickened and her palms sweaty. She knows for a fact that every step she makes from now on is a step closer to Katya, and frankly, she doesn't know how to feel about that. Does she even know this person well enough to meet them? And with that, she loses all her enthusiasm and excitement and trades it for unreasonable anxiety that she shouldn't even be feeling right now. She's supposed to be happy, but what will she do? What will she say? What does she do when Katya sees how much of a mess Trixie really is inside?

She's in front of the library, her eyes yearning for but, still, somehow trying to avoid the "supermodel in the eyeball dress." Her eyes land on a woman who could actually be a supermodel but not Katya. She's very obviously drinking some sort of alcohol from a water bottle and she's not even a bit subtle about it. Trixie has an urge to scream "Drink responsibly!" because there are children around that probably shouldn't end up like her. But, hey, at least she's hot.

Then she sees a familiar face- the young mother she saw here a few weeks ago. She's now without her child and with a man who's as young as she is. Trixie finds herself smiling because she looks healthy an happy, unlike her state the last time she saw her.

And finally, it's her. Trixie is suddenly relieved of all her anxiety. She looks ethereal and, plus, as she said, she has a dress with eyeball prints all over it- really though, how much cooler can someone get? She has the purest expression imaginable on as she cloud gazes. She actually resembles a little girl looking after the balloon she accidentally let go and Trixie finds herself awestruck. Trixie finds her adorable even though it's apparent Katya thinks she "doesn't do adorable."

She walks up to her with a smile on already, she can feel her cheeks hurting from how much she's been smiling and returning smiles the last few weeks, "One of the cons of being around people you genuinely like, I guess." she thinks.

She taps on her shoulder and Katya jumps. She screams a dozen swear words as she's... laughing? Hyperventilating? Trixie gives in, falling into laughter. Katya finally returns the smile.

"Hi," she says softly with an expression as soft as her tone.

Trixie is speechless. She is always speechless. However, she's usually able to go through half a conversation before she goes into that state. She can't say anything and she hasn't even said hi to the woman yet. Katya is really fucking with her mind, isn't she?

Katya is obviously very much aware of Trixie's current condition and she's clearly enjoying it very much. Damn demon. 

"So, captain... where to?" Katya asks, now carrying the smile Trixie knows too damn well. Fuck, she has perfect teeth. Trixie hopes to God she got them done because she's already getting self-conscious because of teeth.

"I was thinking... roller skating? There's this super cool, and not to mention, super cheap 80's themed place around here. It's like, actually from the 80's. That's fucking cool." Trixie suggests.

"Sure, as long as you hold me if I fall, I'd choose heels over wheels any day." Katya cackles. Trixie assumes there's a reference in there she can't quite get. 

They agree to walk to the place as Katya took a cab here because, at some point in time, she got her license suspended. Trixie thinks it's mandatory to make some sort of small talk.

"So, how did you get your license taken away?" Trixie questions. She can see Katya's expression harden at her words. Bad question, Trix, bad question.

"Well; got in a fight, drank, got in a fight again but now while driving. I was dumb, I feel so fucking ashamed of it. I was in useless, stupid lust that I didn't even need and, again, so fucking dumb."

Trixie feels horrible because she's supposed to feel horrible. It's evidently not a very jolly memory for Katya to share but Trixie is stuck at the words "in lust." Could Katya be talking about Violet? Though wouldn't she be able to get her license back if it was with Violet she fought with since their falling out dated back to a few years ago? She thinks to ask her about that but fortunately remembers Katya doesn't know Trixie used to know Violet, so she stops herself before she makes that mistake.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Trixie asks, trying her hardest to come off as compassionate as she's meaning to be.

"Not really, no. There's not much to talk about, anyway." Katya answers and Trixie believes her. If Katya's over it, so should she.

They walk to the place in a comfortable silence, at this point, secure enough with each other to not have any sort of conversation. It could just be Trixie's imagination but she swears to God there are moments where Katya's fingers touch hers.

After one awkward conversation and two hands touching each other coyly, they finally arrive. Katya is staring at the place with her mouth open, Trixie chuckles and Katya turns to her.

"This place looks fucking amazing!" Katya spits out and Trixie is actually really glad to be around someone who swears as much as she does.

They are immediately greeted by one of the employees. The employee has golden blonde hair and a smile for days. She smiles at them politely.

"G'day, welcome to Rollin' About! I'm Courtney, did you get a chance to take a look at out packages?" she asks but then she looks behind them to spot a few more customers waiting for her assistance.

"Okay, nevermind, we have one for kids if you have any with you, one for families, one for teens and one for adults. All of those also include training and aid from one of my co-workers," she looks around to point to the employee who will be assisting them, "Actually, she's not here so that means I will be helping you. However, if you don't want any training we have one for couples, and, not to mention, it's cheaper." Courtney rushes.

Trixie's eyes land on Courtney's uniform, she's wearing a denim jumpsuit that's swarmed with several pins that read "Employee of the Month" paired with, of course, some roller skates. 

Katya looks at Trixie expectedly. She clearly wants Trixie to say something so they can just roller skate already.

And because of her absent-mindedness, and well, because this is a simple cliché love story, Trixie does: That. She says everything she wasn't supposed to say but, then, all she wanted to say.

"Couples, please." 

The moment those words leave Trixie's lips, she can sense Katya fidgeting, a big grin forming on her face.

"A'ight. Just very kindly go to my friend over there at the register and show her your ticket, she'll help you get your skates." Courtney informs them, a peppy tone in her voice. She's very clearly Australian, that's rad.

They thank Courtney and as they walk over to the other employee, Trixie feels discomfort even though she doesn't want to.

"So couples, eh partner?" Katya snickers.

Trixie can feel her cheeks being painted in crimson and can't stop herself from giggling stupidly. "Shut up!", she says in a playful manner.

The other employee is undoubtedly lacking the eagerness the previous one had. Her name card reads Pearl.

"Sup. What can I get for ya?" she asks, her smile so relaxed that Trixie has to squint to see if she's really smiling or not. Trixie doesn't want to admit it but she's concerned this employee is medicated.

Katya, now with a mischevious smile on her face, opens her mouth to place their order.

"We'll have the couples' packet, please?" emphasizing on the word "couples." She's acting eerily possessive of Trixie and Trixie doesn't know if she likes it. Maybe she does.

Pearl's face shifts from calm to annoyed really fast, surprisingly, her face doesn't need to change much for that transformation.

"Fine. Your skates are back there. Pick them up according to your size. Normally, I would have to escort you to help but I guess you'll have to manage yourselves. Good day." Pearl smirks and Katya returns it along with a "Fine", clearly imitating the cashier. Trixie is unable to tell whether she's concerned, nervous, surprised or weirdly turned on.

"Come on, Trix." Katya calls, using Trixie's nickname as if they've been friends for the longest time. Nevertheless, Trixie obeys, following Katya. What the fuck is happening?

"What's your size, again?" Katya asks with a smile as if Trixie has talked about her shoe size before. 

"I'm a 10." Trixie answers, not consciously thinking about what she's saying. She does have big feet and some days it's a condemnation.

"Yes, you are." Katya says in an attempt to make a joke. 

Trixie could have never guessed she would be laughing this hard at something as stupid as that.

They take their skates and put them on, and as soon as Trixie gathers the courage to get up—she falls.

Katya's laugh could pass for choking. Katya cackles at Trixie's clumsiness so much that now she's on the ground with her. Damn it, Trixie.

"I can't," Trixie says whilst laughing. They get up, walking—actually, skating over to the rink.

They are skating and Trixie has fallen approximately twenty times in the past five minutes. Oh, and did she fail to mention Katya is literally hugging her from behind, which they find necessary to have Trixie on her feet. Katya sighs.

"We should hang out more. I rarely see anyone anymore, also I actually really like you, so that's a plus." Katya lets out. Trixie feels a weight in her stomach not even Katya's hand wrapped around it can help go away.

"Katya, I have something to confess."

"Yeah, what is it?", Katya pleads with distress in her eyes.

"Okay, first I have to ask something. Do you perhaps know a Violet?" asks Trixie.

Katya's face is now unrecognizable, no trace of the old smiling Katya left in her expression. Despite the situation, Katya's arms are still around Trixie, if not tighter. Trixie, in spite of not being able to see Katya all that well, can sense her lips parting and closing repeatedly. She's struggling to speak.

"Violet? Did she send you here? Is she behind all this—all this act? Fuck, man, of course. How could I have been so damn stupid?" Katya explodes on Trixie, slowly getting father from her. There are actual tears in Trixie's eyes.

"No! Let's not jump to conclusions, it's just that- I used to know her, back in high school. My friend, Kim, who I was having lunch with yesterday—you know her, I believe, she told me about you two. Ever since, my mind has been all puzzled, I wanted to know whether you knew about our relation since we had a sort of rocky past." Trixie explains. She can see Katya's face soften. She's silent for a bit until they start skating again.

"So, how is Kim?" Katya coaxes, trying to break the tension.

"She told me she's doing well and she seems genuinely happy. Though, I guess she's having some creative differences with her employer. I know she can get through that, though." 

"I'm glad, she was a sweetheart." Katya reminisces. They must have met earlier like Kim claimed.

Trixie hears Katya laughing and she looks at her, quizzed as ever.

"I'm just—I'm sorry, Trixie. I got so fucking defensive when you mentioned her name. Damn, girl. Hope you're not over me because of that, I don't blame you if you are. Why do I start to fucking scream whenever I hear her name?" Katya laughs maniacally.

"You loved her," Trixie whispers.

The thing is Katya is close enough to hear her. She nods, letting Trixie know she's right.

"I think I'm all skate-d up." Katya chuckles.

Trixie smiles at her, holding the fellow blonde's hand as they struggle to get out of the rink. Katya doesn't try to tease the poor cashier again, which was quite comforting.

They're outside now, the summer breeze hitting them both gently. This has to be a scene from a love story. 

"I really did have a great time today." Trixie states. Katya is looking at the sky as she's listening to Trixie.

"Me too. I actually don't think—okay. Can I actually try something? I need your help for it though." asks Katya. Trixie is intrigued, she raises one of her eyebrows.

"I don't want you to be weirded out and I'm not trying to, like, get with you but... I have to be sure of something. Okay, uh, I want to kiss you and if I feel your lips against mine and not her's, I can continue this. If not, I'll constantly be distracted."

Trixie is shock-still. "This?" she thinks, "Is there even a 'this'?" Isn't this what Trixie always wanted ever since she met Katya? Does this mean Katya is interested in her? She could also be using her. What the heck? She clears her head to give Katya a proper answer.

"Oh, yeah, okay. Sure." Trixie agrees. If Katya thinks Trixie can help her doing something as simple as kissing her, she'll do it.

And then, wow. Trixie is being kissed as if she has never been kissed before. Katya is oh-so-gentle and Trixie can taste the confusion from her lips.

She pulls away, now looking directly into Trixie's eyes. 

"Was I of help?" Trixie asks shyly, even though it's not how she wants to come off.

"Yeah," Katya chuckles, "You were of great help." She looks at Trixie, almost hypnotizingly, her eyes twinkling.

Trixie smiles at her as the breeze hits her hair, and when she looks at Katya's face, she can see the affection in her eyes.

"Anyway, I think I should probably head home. I really did have the time of my life, thank you. This should be a regular thing." Trixie suggests.

"We should! We should make it a thing, it'll be our thing," Katya smiles so big that Trixie is blinded with pure love, "Text me, you skank! If you don't I'll spam you, you know that." Katya tells her, Trixie laughs in response.

They hug—actually, embrace? It's a mix of both but when Katya leaves, Trixie can feel herself falling, and for once, not literally. 

As she's walking home, she can feel the vibration of her phone indicating that she has a new notification.

**Katya**  
_oh, i forgot my favorite part of meeting new people, promoting my instagram! go follow @katya_zamo if you wish to be alive!_

Of course, Trixie already knew that, but she's still ecstatic because this means she now has permission to follow her. As she's about to reply to her, she gets another text.

**Katya**  
_also, i really did appreciate ur "favor" lol :p_

_no really though, i really appreciate you doing that for me. youre special._

_i like you lots._

Trixie is now blushing like a school girl with a stupid crush, and she replies to her text with a small "Thanks!" and one of the several pink heart emojis.

She loves to admit, but, she likes her lots, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i ~love~ misleading titles. because guess what!! TRIXIE LITERALLY FALLS HAHAHA.
> 
> but okay, i really hope you enjoyed this!!!! idk, i'm just writing this story because i'm falling behind all my classes and i can't even bring myself to participate anymore so i just write :// 
> 
> have a greaaat day, also happy belated valentines! hope you spent it with someone you love! <3


	4. choo choo

Trixie rarely remembers she has to go to school at some point. She actually wishes that she was in some romantic comedy film where it’s enough to say “Yeah, I go to college.” However sadly, that is not her story, she has class.

Trixie’s apartment is close to everywhere she ever has to be, and she has her mother to thank for that. She picked the apartment out for Trixie herself, finding the most ideal place for her daughter to live. Trixie has no idea how in hell she does it all.

She has to get ready for class. Her life is quite simple, she has class four times a week, and since she's a Music major, her lectures, besides Music Theory, don't feel like lectures at all.

She puts on a mint green sweatshirt along with some black jeans in order to be as comfortable as possible. Trixie loves makeup, she really does, but not enough to wear it to school. It's simply not worth it.

One thing Trixie knows about herself is that she's nice. Ever since she was a little girl, she has had great manners. She loves being treated kindly and she loves being kind to those around her. She surprisingly texts her mother a good morning message every day, even on days she doesn't reply.

She turns to her phone to text her mom and she's instantly pleasantly surprised to see that she has some unread messages. This hardly ever happens to Trixie since she never bothers texting anyone besides her mother. She smiles to herself, she must be doing something right.

**Kim**  
_trixie! ik it's late but katya reached out to me just now_

_heard you guys really did meet! would love to hear all of that tea if you have it o:) xx_

Trixie laughs, Kim is genuinely interested in being friends with her again. She takes a mental note to call her some time.

**Mom**  
_Good morning, Honey!_

_Dad isn't in town for more than one week._

_Please come visit, baby._

_I love you._

Trixie mentally face palms when she realizes she has forgotten about her father. He is a good man, he really is but Trixie just can't relate to him. He treats her mother well and that's all that should matter. Yes, he was rarely even around all throughout the majority of Trixie's childhood, but, that was barely his fault - most of the blame was on his employer.

Trixie closes her eyes and leans back for a while before continuing on, she doesn't know what she expected.

**Katya**

_you witch!_

_i cant sleep and i blame it all on you and alcohol_

_i couldnt get my mind off of today_

_it was the most fun ive ever had_

_at least in the last few years_

_okay youre clearly asleep and im probably making a mistake_

_i need to talk to someone_

_im confused_

_ill text kim i guess_

_hope thats okay_

_BY THE WAY just know that youre amazing and i miss you and shit_

_i cant believe myself_

_good night trixie:^)_

That's... a lot. That's a lot of texts that could fit in just two or three text bubbles. Trixie chuckles, their texting habits are almost the same, however, Trixie likes to believe she's slightly more civil.

But is this a blessing? Or is God finally punishing Trixie for the apple juice she stole from Karen back in kindergarten?

Katya was clearly intoxicated when writing those text. Trixie wonders if she's okay, so she decides to reply now, going against her "Wait Fifteen Minutes Before Replying" rule.

**Trixie**  
_good mornin stranger! are you okay now ?? :o it was really late then, girl_

_hope you dont have a THROBBING headache, alcohol stinks_

_anyway text me back when you see these !! xx_

Trixie has grown really close to Katya in a matter of, what, two minutes? As much as she catches herself contradict herself on this, she of course doesn't want to move too quick again. However, she also really wants to get in an actual female's pants and relieve herself of the stress of her unexplored sexuality. Though, one thing makes this especially hard, and that's Trixie is for once actually interested in someone and, as cliché as it is, doesn't want to ruin whatever they may have. Plus, Katya seems to like Trixie as well and Trixie is, quite frankly, just a divorcee in her 20's who is constantly hungry, tired, desperate and horny. It's safe to say she's in a fucking dilemma.

She picks up her bag from her room and stuffs in whatever book she can find, she really doesn't care which one she manages to get in since her professors are rarely even using the books, not to mention, they made Trixie spend hundreds of dollars for.

She's once again grateful she lives so close to her college. She spots some fellow students who are within their friend groups chit-chatting and basically, having fun. Trixie looks to her side and sighs, she has no one to laugh with her right now. Whoever originally said college was different than high school probably has never even been to high school.

Musical Theatre classes are fun, awkward at times, but fun. Trixie thinks she can act and she _knows_ she does killer impressions. This class is enjoyable purely because it makes Trixie feel like an actual star.

After an hour or two, the class is over soon enough—actually, way too soon. It's almost as if the person who's in charge of writing her destiny didn't even want to bother writing this part of her life. Trixie shrugs, at least she's getting something out of those hours of class.

This being her only class for the day lets Trixie have some time to herself. She has been unusually happy the past few weeks, so she decides she is sort of emotionally prepared to go to her parents' house today. Her parents' house is close, way closer than Trixie would like it to be, so her mom is constantly pushing her to come visit them. But, alas, she never does. Though, to be fair, things have been absurd with her family ever since she called off the wedding, and also, her lesbian awakening.

She takes the bus and she smiles at the driver, feeling great. After all, her father is nice to her, maybe too invasive, but nice. Her mom has been her role model ever since high school, and though her sister is spoiled and her brother is still in his angsty phase, Trixie loves them dearly.

The bus is packed with teenagers, who reek of what she assumes to be weed, as it's already three o'clock and they're finally free to leave hell itself. Trixie did not like high school at all and she did not like her friends there except Kim Violet and her differed a lot and Fame has always liked everyone else more than she liked Trixie.

She finds a seat for herself and is pleased with the place she picked. No one is sitting around her and when you have hair as big as Trixie's, that's a blessing. Alas, fate has never been her friend.

"Hey, you!" she hears someone say to her, the seat to her left now taken.

Trixie looks up to see the cashier from earlier. She seems even more _medicated_ than she was yesterday, maybe that's just the way she is naturally. Anyway, Trixie still doesn't recall her name. She looks like a... Meghan, though.

"Hi, err..." Trixie says, asking for her name with her eyes.

"Pearl, the cashier from Rollin' About? I don't mean to brag, but I'm the exceptionally attractive one." she smirks.

Trixie laughs, she really is attractive, and, Trixie, as mentioned, is still very desperate but not desperate enough to forget about Katya whom she just kissed. Why did she do that again?

"Oh, right! People call me Trixie." she smiles sweetly. Let's be nice to the stranger in the bus, shall we?

"Weird, I like it," Pearl states, "So, where's the other half of the couple?"

Trixie looks at Pearl, dazed. As far as she's aware, she's not a part of any couple.

"Excuse me?"

"The blonde you were with? The Ken...dra to your Barbie?" Pearl answers, helping Trixie realize she's, in fact, talking about Katya.

"Oh," Trixie chuckles, "We're not in a relationship. Friends, I believe." she answers. Everything she's saying is actually true, they certainly aren't a couple. What? Is she supposed to lie to the stranger in the damn bus?

"You looked like one," Pearl very non-creepily says, "You know, there's not much to do there, I just watch the customers for "safety reasons." You two were really close, it was cute!" she tells Trixie. They _were_ close. Hell, they kissed.

"I guess," Trixie muses.

Pearl grins, she is cocky yet extremely endearing. Trixie wants to get to know her even though she's aware they would never get along. At the end of the day, Pearl is overwhelmingly attractive and Trixie is merely a raging lesbian, so her interest is probably not even directed at her personality, if she has one.

Trixie can see Pearl's iPod, and suddenly, her ears are filled with a melodic miracle.

She's listening to Dolly Parton.

Trixie's mouth takes the shape of an O and Pearl looks at her questioningly.

Pearl smiles, again, very cockily, "Like something you see?", she asks Trixie. She has, and it's her hero: Dolly.

Trixie won't lie, when she first listened to "Jolene" she wanted to be Dolly's man just so she could be with the Jolene Dolly described so intimately.

"The music! You listen to Dolly?" Trixis asks with utter excitement.

"Hell, yeah. Especially when you're high—her voice, like, makes, like, the experience... really fucking good! Also, country is my guilty pleasure." Pearl answers. Well, guess that's good enough.

In the heat of the moment, Trixie actually sees Pearl as an eligible bachelorette for her, or at least, a friend. Trixie stares into Pearl’s eyes for way too long until the woman’s lips part.

“Hey—okay, so, yesterday I wanted to ask you something but I couldn’t,” there’s a beat, “I couldn’t because of your friend and, well, also because I was working.” 

This is the most serious Trixie has ever seen Pearl. It’s true they have only known each other for a day but Trixie feels oddly close to the stranger. She nods to let Pearl know she can continue.

“You’re really pretty and well,” Pearl laughs, “I’m really pretty as well, that’s no secret. Basically, with being aware of us just having met, I would like you to be my date to a wedding I’m going to.” 

Trixie’s face shifts, this probably shouldn’t be happening. It seems too rushed, too forced. Pearl must be desperate or, maybe even, a serial killer.

“I can see your face turn sour, but hear me out,” Pearl sighs loudly, this is certainly not easy for her to do, “I assure you I’m not, like, trying to get with you or anything. Hell, you can even bring your friend with you. It’s just that… it’s my mom’s wedding and she doesn’t really have anyone to attend it. I just, don’t want her to feel alone on her special day.”

“Pearl…” Trixie tries to speak, but is immediately cut off by Pearl.

“You don’t have to say yes. I’m asking you just because I don’t really know anyone, I guess it’s obvious where I got that from.” Pearl looks down, frowning, “Okay, this is weird—isn’t this weird?”

This _is_ weird. Trixie could have never imagined she would be invited to a stranger’s mother’s wedding.  


“Yeah, uh, Pearl? I’m sure your mom is lovely but, like, wouldn’t it be kind of… odd? Like, you’re great, completely, you look great and I’m sure you’re lovely as well, but we’re literally only on first-name basis.” Trixie says in a kindhearted tone.

Pearl does seem nice. Well, it’s accurate she either lacks or has an excessive amount of self-esteem, but she seems nice.

“You’re right, fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just can’t find anyone to go with me, or go at all. I thought you would be a great choice because we literally just met and you didn’t have a chance to get bored of me yet. I’m so sorry, it’s just—my mom,”

Pearl is crying. Pearl is crying and Trixie has no idea what she’s supposed to do. How bad is she supposed to feel for her? How much is _too_ much?

“My mom, she really is just so happy, you know? She finally found someone who is a real man, unlike my father and,” Pearl sniffs, “I just wish she had people around to share it with. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even asked.” 

Trixie is and has always been, overall, nice. However, sometimes, she’s too kind for her own good. She lacks the ability to say no, so ultimately, she always buys whatever is sold to her, and this is no exception.

“Okay, I’ll go with you,” Trixie lets out, she really can’t say no, this could be a horrible choice. What is California’s murder rate again? Pearl suddenly jumps with vast happiness.

“Really? Oh, fuck, you’re the freaking best! Thank you so, so, so much! Are you sure this is what you want?” Pearl asks. Going off her extremely calm exterior, this seems out of character for her.

“Only if you promise to stop your crying for good,” Trixie says, chuckling. Once she earns a genuine smile from Pearl, Trixie is finally content.

“Ugh, you’re fucking amazing. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, she’ll be so happy,” Pearl thanks. 

Trixie feels great about helping her, and she feels like she’ll actually have fun there. After all, Pearl told her she could invite “her friend,” which Trixie assumes to be Katya.

“Okay, so could I actually get your number so we can communicate and stuff? Don’t know how often we can run into each other on the bus.” Pearl laughs, her cocky way of talking completely vanished, she’s glowing.

“Sure, give me your phone and I’ll add myself?” Trixie suggests, Pearl quickly takes out her phone from the front pocket of her overall.

Pearl reveals the phone kid Trixie and present Trixie has always dreamed of. A pink flip phone virtually every teen on TV once had. It’s covered in faux jewels and has a charm. Trixie gasps, looking closer to the charms bounded to the phone.

Despite how cute it is, Trixie, after three minutes of trying to type her name, realizes how inconvenient this phone really is for someone who has nails as long as the rest of their hand, like Trixie. 

“Done,” Trixie smiles. Pearl thanks her under her breath, she seems a little reserved. Has she always been like this?

They look at each other for a brief moment until Trixie hears the sound of the automated bus announcement she knows too well. She smiles to Pearl politely.

“Take care, don’t forget to text me!” Trixie tells Pearl as she rushes to make it to the stop before the doors close.

“I will, you too!” she hears Pearl shout, she waves when she gets off the bus. Why does Trixie even have a habit of befriending complete strangers? She suddenly gets an insight that she shouldn’t question it. Who the heck is this person toying with her destiny?

She walks by herself in the busy street, making her way to her parents’ house. That house isn’t Trixie’s childhood house but a house that her parents bought after it tragically burned down. The fire happened after Trixie moved out, she can’t even imagine how devastating it must have been for her family.

She then sees her parents’ house, painted in the familiar yellow their old house was painted in.

She rings the bell and as soon as her finger makes contact with the bell, she can hear the dogs barking and her mom yelling, “Coming!” She didn’t give notice she would come now, so she just hopes her mom is available or this will have been a waste. Her mom answers the door.

“Trixie! Christ, still strange to call you that—anyway! You’re here, that’s great! Wish you’d have told us you’d come, I would’ve cooked. You know I keep texting you, maybe you should try and do the same,” her mom says, in the fakest tone imaginable. 

The thing is, Trixie has been texting her mom. In fact, she sends her a text every single day, and usually, she doesn’t get a reply. This saddens Trixie, her mom has been her role model ever since she can remember. The tension between them ever since _him_ and her coming out, indirectly, has been growing more and more despite Trixie’s efforts to avoid that.

“Why don’t you come in? Dad, Brian, and Bri are over,” she looks around, “There! They, of course, don’t know you’re here.” she smiles, almost genuinely… almost. She returns the very genuine smile and walks over to the living room, fixing her outfit. She walks in and everyone suddenly gets up.

“Beatrice,” her father calls, despite the times Trixie had told him to not call her that.

She gets two small “Hello”s from her siblings, both way too interested in their phones to care that Trixie is home.

“Hey guys,” Trixie says with a faint smile as she finds herself a seat. Maybe, just maybe, she was paying extra attention as to not sit too close to her father.

“I’m glad you came.” her dad says.

“I’m glad to have come, Dad.” Trixie answers with the most obvious poker face. This is uncomfortable, where is her mom?

“So… I haven’t seen you since,” her dad starts.

“Since I left him.” Trixie continues, finishing his sentence.

“You know he was great for you, Bea. You really could have built a life for yourself. Instead,” he is struggling to speak, “Nevermind, as long as you’re happy.” he says, obviously, in an attempt to soften Trixie’s now rough expression.

And then, something that Trixie would have never thought would happen happens.

Her sister looks up from her phone, “Sure, Dad. Of course you would believe an abusive man would be good for your own daughter.” she defends. Trixie is awe-struck.

“Wait, of course _I_ would? Young lady, what is that supposed to mean?” their dad question sternly.

“Would you have thought that man was good for Trixie if he were a woman?” she asks and Trixie looks at her questioningly, not sure as to where she’s going. “You only wanted him for her because he was an available, rich, white man. Actually, you never even made an effort to meet him. Excuse me, but what in the hell do you know about what’s good for Trixie?” she spits out.

Trixie can’t believe her own ears. Her sister, her spoiled sister who lives on Dad’s money is defending her. Her dad scoffs, clearly defeated.

“What’s going on here?” Trixie’s mom walks in, sensing the obvious tension in the air.

“Nothing, Ma. We were just discussing.” Trixie answers. She doesn’t want to deal with her dad’s obliviousness today.

“Well, I made some Turkish coffee for you all since Dad is moving to Turkey, obviously.” her mom says, way too enthusiastically for someone whose spouse is moving away.

“We all hope Turkey treats you kind, Richard” her mom chimes. Everyone cheers, at least two of them, including Trixie, disingenuously.

The rest of Trixie’s visit consists of trying to get her brother to speak, talking with her sister and avoiding all of her dad’s questions.

She and her sister are sitting in Bri and her twin brother’s room, talking in a civil way, finally.

“Kaitlin is like, so fake. I wish I could call her out, you know?” she tells Trixie. She has been talking about her friends for about twenty minutes now.

Bri is sixteen. She has always been the same Bri though. She’s naive, but very intelligent. She’s really understanding but, again, too obedient.

Ever since Bri was five and Trixie was eleven, they have been close. Trixie watched Bri grow into a smart young woman, learning from Trixie and her mistakes. Trixie admires Bri, as spoiled as she is, for being so damn smart.

“I never got a chance to thank you.” Trixie admits, Bri nods.

“It’s fine, honestly. You have no idea how much crap he talks behind all our backs. He thinks he’s helping us, that he’s the ultimate judge or some shit. _Someone_ has got to tell him that our lives are whatever we make them out to be.” Bri says angrily.

Trixie can see Bri’s face shift. She is back to her usual self.

“I still love him, though. He’s still my dad after all. He’s just… old-fashioned, I guess. I’m sorry.” she frowns.

Trixie smiles at her. She knows that Bri has not been in a great place lately. She hasn’t been for a very long at time and Trixie probably isn’t the only one who’s noticed this.

“Bri, you know that if anything happens, if you feel the need to escape, I’m a phone call away. Just tell Mom and Dad you’re coming over to my place, I’m always here for you,” Trixie assures, “Same with Brian, if all this ever seems too much. Mi casa, su casa.” Trixie laughs, butchering Spanish.

“Oh my god, that’s horrible,” Bri chuckles, “It’s really okay. Mom is trying, she really is. I wouldn’t want to leave Mom alone. Once Dad leaves, it’s inevitable that she’ll be lonely. She’s acting all happy now, but…” 

Bri looks down, things clearly aren’t all fun and games at home. Trixie feels guilty to have left them alone. Trixie goes into hug Bri and they stay like that for some while until Mom interrupts them.

“Girls? It’s getting late. Trixie will you stay for dinner or head home?” her mom asks.

“I better head home, I do need to catch a bus before it’s too late.” Trixie answers. She looks at Bri with an apologetic face, getting up to exchange her farewells with her family.

“Jolly time, Beatrice.” her Dad says, hugging her. He is her dad after all.

She hugs everyone, exhanging goodbyes. Trixie waves to everyone, making sure to smile to Bri especially.

Her mom closes the door behind her and Trixie practically runs outside. This, in no way, was horrible. Trixie just wishes the last time she saw her father before he moves away wasn’t as difficult as this. Trixie shrugs away her thoughts, she will see him again anyway.

She walks over to the bus stop, her earphones in, listening to a playlist Kim had on her Spotify page. She has good music taste, it’s not even remotely close to Trixie’s, but really good.

When see does she the bus stop, she practically has to run there because the bus is already there. She rushes in, now making sure to find a solo seat as that’s enough strangers for the day. Trixie isn’t getting invited to anyone else’s mom’s wedding today.

Would Katya be interested in going to the wedding, too? The wedding would probably be more tolerable with Katya around. She takes out her phone to text her about it, but before she can, her phone is suddenly bombarded by messages as it has been closed for some while now.

 **Pearl**  
_Heyo, its Pearl_

_Hope you didnt give me a fake number pal lmao_

_Text me back so i can send you the wedding invitation_

_Take care <3_

Pearl is somehow nicer and funnier over text, guess she’s one of those people. She texts her back in order to let her know it really is her she’s talking to.

**Kim**  
_trix!! guess what_

_fame and violet are back and they are inviting us to vi’s birthday party tomorrow_

_hear me out before you lash out, violet is apparently bringing her girlfriend so the whole k-a-t-y-a thing wont be a problem_

_they really want to see you too_

_text me back if you’re down and we’ll pick you up at 9 pm_

_get back to me asap when you see these_

Trixie knew this would happen. Befriending Kim again would mean letting Fame and Violet back into her life. Trixie does feel bad though, she did just drop them with no notice. She should really meet them.

**Trixie**  
_tell them ill be there_

_ill be ready at 9!_

_love ya xx_

Trixie feels good about her response. She believes that her texts should mimic her current mood, and honestly, she isn’t all that excited right now.

Trixie can’t help but dwell on Kim telling her about Violet’s new girlfriend, why would this concern Trixie? Is she suddenly associated with Katya now? Violet and her have a lot more history that doesn’t concern Katya. Trixie sighs, this shit really is complicated.

**Katya**  
_oops_

_well fuck didnt know i would be too shitfaced to text you those stuff_

_im okay im probably immune to hangovers by now_

_we should meet again_

_would prefer if its soon_

_text me back ;)_

Trixie laughs, Katya can make her laugh very easily. She must be special, and Trixie knows she is.

**Trixie**  
_im glad! take care of yourself :o_

_okay so i did something stupid_

_the cashier from the skating place? i ran into her and she asked us to attend to her moms wedding_

_i reaaaally couldnt say no, she was crying aaahhhh_

Trixie looks up to see the bus at her stop. She must have missed the announcement so she runs outside, she has run a lot because of busses lately.

She walks to her house, still listening to Kim’s playlist. Maybe Katya has a Spotify, too. She should ask her, Trixie would love to listen to Katya’s music. Maybe she could even make Trixie one. What can she say, she’s an 80’s romantic.

She walks all the way over to her apartment, stopping at her doorstep to let herself in. As soon as she’s inside, she throws herself on her bed. It’s only 10, but she’s tired shitless. The last thing she thinks about before falling asleep is… actually, she can’t quite recall. For the sake of this being a “love story” let’s say it was Katya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly after the last all stars episode i needed something to cure my depression baHAHAH so here it is
> 
> thank you sooo much for your immense support really, it means so much to me <333 please feel free to tell me if anything is wrong with my writing, criticism is what i live on
> 
> have a great day, cheerio!


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